31.10.2008
News Release: 10 simple things
Parenting is a 24 hour, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year job so it can be tiring, frustrating and challenging. But, bringing up a child can also be hugely rewarding, uplifting, fun and a great privilege.
Building a happy home takes patience, tolerance and unconditional love. But for the majority of the time being a great parent boils down to following a few simple principles that you can practise every day. Sue Atkins of Positive Parents, is a parent coach and author, and has some suggestions to get you started:
1. Respect your child - if you treat your child with compassion, kindness, and respect, they’ll grow up to be caring, considerate, and respectful towards others. If you are uncaring, rude, and dismissive, your child is very likely to have these characteristic when they grown up. Top Tip: As obvious as this sounds, speak politely to your child and respect their opinion. Pay real attention when they speak to you and treat them kindly.
2. Act as a role model - have you ever noticed that you have many of the same attitudes, habits, and opinions that your parents had when you were growing up even though you swore you would be different? That is because your parents were your first, important role models, and now you are the same to your children - imitating parents is a natural part of how children develop and grow.
3. Involve yourself in your child’s life - Strong family ties are formed between children and their parents if a little regular daily effort is made to spend time talking, eating and playing with them. Children should be absolutely sure that they can count on your time with them. Set aside time to spend with your children when they are younger and the habit will more likely continue as your children grow.
4. Share yourselves - the whole point of spending time with your children is to share your own values, beliefs and plans with your child. Talking with and listening to your child is one of the most important “quality time” activities you can do and it can happen anywhere, at any time—while folding the laundry, playing a game, doing the shopping, or driving home from Grandma’s house.
5. Focus on flexibility - your role as a parent changes as your child grows. What worked well when your child was in nursery doesn’t necessarily work when she reaches junior school and is likely to fail in adolescence. The independence and that makes your three-year-old say ‘no’ is part of the same process that makes your 13-year-old argumentative at the dinner table, and makes them more inquisitive in the classroom and later on in their career. Parental flexibility is all about getting inside the mind of your child at their particular age.
6. Set boundaries and rules - the two most important things children need from parents are love and structure. Children thrive on routine and rules but providing your child with structure is a balancing act. Structure makes children feel the security of love around them. The real reason for having rules and boundaries is so that your child can develop the ability to set their own boundaries and manage their own behaviour.
7. Be firm and fair in your discipline - at each stage of your child’s development you must establish the rules for your child to obey, but you also need to expect that your child will, at some point, challenge you and test your limits. Your job is to do what is best for your child. You are the adult - the wiser and more experienced person who can see the bigger picture. You are teaching life skills and helping to develop a well rounded, helpful, self reliant adult for the future.
8. Be consistent - the biggest single contributor to a kid’s disciplinary problems is inconsistent parenting. The secret of consistency is keeping your expectations clear and always meeting the same behaviour with the same reaction. Top Tip: If you’re having trouble disciplining your child, the first thing to do is take a step back and ask yourself: ‘Am I being consistent?’
9. Encourage independence - from the day you play ‘peek-a-boo’ with your baby you’re preparing her for separation from you. Good parenting requires a balance between involvement and independence which leads to your child learning self-confidence from managing their own self-sufficiency. Parents who encourage independence in their children, help them to develop a sense of self-direction.
10. Listen first, talk later - listening makes children feel valued, understood, and important. Through listening properly to your children you help them find their own answers. So turn down the TV/stop reading the paper/stop peeling the potatoes, look at your child, and give your full attention - keep an open mind and don’t judge or interrupt. Top Tip: As obvious as this sounds, speak politely to your child and respect their opinion. Pay real attention when they speak to you and treat them.
“To make it simple, think of three simple habits that you would like to practice every day. Write them on a piece of paper last thing at night and leave them where you can see them, like beside your bed,” says Sue Atkins. “This little habit stops you getting stuck in what I call “the socks and pants of life” – the humdrum and mundane. It keeps you firmly focused on the bigger picture of raising happy, confident, well-balanced adults.”
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